When Zombies Attack
Lucia Modestino

In the past few years I have noticed that zombie popularity has increased significantly, maybe due to the fact that “the end of the world is coming”, and “December 2012 is almost near”. Supposedly this means people will be coming out of the graves, having a severe hunger for mortal brains.
One of my friends has recently told me of an apartment she found, everything about the apartment sounded amazing except for a teeny tiny little flaw. The apartment review said that the balconies were easy to shimmy up, thus it was not the best place to be during a zombie attack. When she told me this I thought to myself, “How could zombies even shimmy up anything?” and “Oh great now I have to worry about finding a place to live that’s zombie proof, where in the world will I find that?” It is not enough that I have the stress of school and trying to find a job, now I have to worry about finding a zombie proof house. Finding such house would be impossible unless I build a place in a tree (but according to the apartment review I have to worry about zombies shimming up my tree), or pull a Sandy Cheeks and live at the bottom of the ocean, hopefully not to far from a pineapple.
How many of us has ever thought how would we survive a zombie attack, there would be no internet to allow us to pull out our smart phones and Google it. Thanks to T.V and videogames our brains’ are so filled with junk that I am sure we can pick out ways to kill zombies. I am sure you are all sitting there saying, “But you can’t kill zombies because they’re already dead.” Well fret not my fellow future zombie destroyers I will share my secret. Now if you have been playing Plants VS Zombies like I have, you will know that all you need are plants that shoot out peas, a Venus fly trap that eats zombies (so a Venus Zombie trap) and a “squash zombie” that literally squishes zombies. If you do not have these special plants on hand, I would suggest you start to play Resident Evil and watch “The Walking Dead” and you will figure out how to kill a zombie like you were born to do it.
Now if you are too lazy to play video games or watch T.V, or feel that you are too smart to be wasting your brain cells (which the zombies would not appreciate), then what you should do is go to the shooting range and start shooting. Number one way to permanently destroy a zombie (notice I said destroy and not kill) is to shoot their heads off. I would recommend however to not just practice shooting, you should also practice throwing knives and using an ax. A good movie to watch that demonstrates how to properly use an ax is “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter”, yes, Lincoln uses his ax to cut heads off vampires, but you could also use it for zombies.
So the real question is… are these brain hungry monster real? WELL OF COURSE THEY ARE! They would not make movies, T.V shows, and video games about them if they were fiction. I do however have a theory, I believe that instead of being the zombies we have all grown to know and love; those brain dead creatures with their arms stretched out and eating the first person that comes into sight, I believe that considering they are still able to walk and eat, they also can talk and decide who’s brain they prefer. If vampires are supposedly dead and brought back to life and they can have intelligent conversations, then who is to say zombies cannot. Therefore, we can all start to practice our shooting skills and throwing knives, or we can learn to prepare brain cuisines and become friends instead of enemies with the beloved zombies.



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